Saturday, November 12, 2011

How Do Single Women Get Dressed?

I'm currently stuck in a cocktail dress, literally.

I can be alone; I can live alone.  Sure it's hard to motivate myself to make a proper meal, it takes forever to eat a whole lentil loaf, and all the yard work falls on one person, but I can deal.  However, I rather not and considering the end goal of so many twenty and thirty somethings to get married, I guess many people rather not live alone.  I love being married and having my best friend with me during so many mundane life moments - brushing teeth, making eggs, waking up slowly on a Sunday.  By far the one thing I have taken for granted about married life is having someone to zip up a cocktail dress.  Which brings me to why I am sitting on the couch late on a Saturday night stuck in a dress.

When I went to get dressed for a party hours ago, I logically selected a dress with a side zipper.  Side zippers are a one person job.  Or so you would think.  I zippered the dress half way, but then it got stuck.  Logically, I tugged and tugged and tugged and danced around the room while tugging.  The zipper would not go up.  I decided, as I was already fashionable late for the party, that I should just take the dress off and choose an easier outfit.  Fail.  The zipper was truly stuck and would go neither up nor down.  Now I fretted.  I guess I could cut it off.  Shimmy it over my head.  Or I could tug on it while dancing around the room.  Success.  The dress was unzipped.

A well balanced person might at this point of success take the dress off and change.  But no, I decided that since I could get the zipper down, I could probably get it all the way up.  Zip.  Stuck half way, again.  I threw a cardigan on and went to the party with the dress half open at the side.  No one noticed.

Now, I am stuck in a cocktail dress.  Luckily for me, in less than a week I will reunite with my wonderful capable of zippering a cocktail dress husband and this whole him away fourth year medical school crap will be over.  So if you see me around town and wonder why I am wearing a party dress to the grocery store, while walking the dog, at the post office, here it is.  I honestly cannot figure out (and frankly don't have the desire to be in a situation where I need to figure out) how single women get dressed.  But if anyone has any tips of how to get out of a stuck cocktail dress, it would make the next five days of my life much easier to hear them.


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